Debrief...

Okay, was brave and finally went to see a grief counsellor.. I was getting sick of myself, and I needed to get on with living. This'll be a quick post cos I'm over it...

Okay her points:

• don't hold back on the crying - just let it all out (tough one - been holding back on tears for a billion years!!! Not cool to cry!)
• Go for long walks with my dog - (cool with that one - love my puppy!!)
• get a photo of mum and look at it and reflect on my life with her - (ow, that's gonna hurt.)
• take time off work, as much as I can - (partner seriously not happy about that one - don't work, don't get paid.... bugger.. gonna cause a bit of conflict, that one.)
• only spend 20 minutes at a time on my study.. no more. -- (cool, can't spend anymore than that anyway, can't focus..)
• forget about what I'm eating -- (worry about that later -- wow, that seriously lifted a weight off my shoulders.. feeling lighter already!)
  
• talk to friends that have lost their mothers, cos losing a mother is different to other losses --(yep, have been doing that anyway, have two friends that lost their mothers in the last year or two).

okay - my feelings:

Partner not happy. He is worried about finances. So he was not too receptive when I told him I was taking time off work. I told him I didn't expect him to understand, and he agreed that he did not understand. Oh well, I've decided that unfortunately that is now his issue. We can work out how to pay the bills together if he wants, but I'm not going to be manipulated into returning to work too early. Been there, done that! Existentialism - born alone, die alone... or to quote someone else, "I died, and someone else's life flashed before my eyes!"

He is off on his week away by himself. Maybe he is missing me? maybe,maybe not..